Tory HQ is now rubble; is Bucky Palace next?

Funny story written by Juan Blood

Sunday, 14 November 2010


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My country, we have electicity for student scum!

12 Months ago a TV reporter infiltrated the lowerarchy and secretly filmed the millitary wing of a student union in action. It was never shown due to the Director General saying it would send them underground.

The footage showed UPIS aka (Unruly Premiere Intelligent Students) gouging the eyes of baby dolls, smoking cannabis, bungee jumping from power stations and having group sex. So what you might say no different to when I was at college. The concern here is this money is from the cash rich Arabs states and one day they will want repaying, in short it could mean the IMF imposing sanctions like the ones imposed on Greece and Albania.

These young people many of them black ops veterans pledged allegiance not to the flag but to Fidel Castro. They had destabilised governments all over the world over.

A tip off in Twitter alerted me to the students demo,official estimates of 30,000 students were way of the mark. I counted 300,000 students. I spoke to a mature student in his forties with bowed legs, I asked why he was protesting, he told me his sad tale.

At the age of 14 he had the chance of getting a scholarship to the L'ecole ballet just outside of Paris.

"I just lived for ballet he enthused. My ballet teacher would gasp when I opened my legs and raised my lead leg vertically straight, my third leg would also rise strong and powerful and my tights would burst under the strain of such a movement. My teacher would rush to the toilets, returning a few minutes later elated. Little did I know what she was doing.

"Margaret Thatcher stopped all free milk for school children claiming condensed milk was just as good. Unfortunately this caused my legs to shrivel and turn inwards. That is why I am here.I thanked him for his story and moved to where there was a continuous billowing of smoke and the stench of death. As I got nearer to Tory HQ. I saw the remains of the giant statute commemorating the union of Cameron and Clegg had been hit by a Katusha rocket.

The red armbands of the UPIS and USHIT elite forces were urging the crowd on. Panick stricken Territorial Support Group officers were abandoning their posts. Many were seen tearing off their uniform and wearing only their regulatory long johns with codpieces joined the students in desecrating Tory HQ.

UPIS and USHIT forces were for once working as a team abseiling up the building and throwing stun grenades into offices. At the top of the building the Tory flag was thrown to the crowd and the militant student flag unfurled.

Tears of joy ran down student's faces, some claimed this was true democracy, none of this alternative voting bullshit.

The crowd became quiet as Gorgeous George Gallaway ascended a makeshift stage. Galloway was known to be a fiery orator and he did not disappoint.

"You people (as he looked out at the masses of people) are making history, let Cameron and Clegg know they started it, we will finish it. What kind of government takes away benefits from its people and takes away food from the mouth of our children?" A tremendous roar went up from the crowd.

A group of men and women were brought on stage, blindfolded and handcuffed. The blindfold was removed from the lead male.It was George Arsebourne,his clothes torn and face heavily bruised. Arseborne pleaded for forgiveness, he promised in the next manifesto to abandon tuition fees for students, restore students beer allowance for students and allow students to grow cannabis for recreational use and for profit. He was given a mild applause. Galloway turned to him and said years ago your head would have been resting on traitors gate while women knitted head warmers. I am sending you back to Clegg and Cameron with a message, We are coming after them. The chant OFF OFF OFF WITH HIS HEAD, HE'S NO RED BETTER DEADgrew louder. Osborne and his team was lead away.

The following day at a press conference George Osbourne claimed he had received the waterboard treatment whilst in captivity. He held up a dirty,stinking pair of underpants which he claimed he SHAT HIMSELFwhen forced to play Russian roulette with his personal secretary.

A spokesperson was quick to rebutt the allegation. The statement read out said out armed wing are signed up to the Geneva convertion of guerilla warfare. We are signatories to the European human rights charter. While MR Osborne may have been roughed up and had a bag placed on his head, there was no, I repeat, no waterboarding of Mr Osbourne. The authorities had cut the utility supplies off. The only thing we could do was piss on him. Mr Osbourne obliged by opening his mouth.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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