In protest at the UK government's recent cuts, student unions throughout the country are preparing themselves for a nationally organised strike.
Lecturers are dreading having to talk to reduced audiences, and student tutors are weeping over their wasted hours. Not only that, but student discos all over the UK are likely to be empty, as students refuse to behave like students.
A Z-list celebrity renowned for his "cheesiness" value said, 'these students are the only people I know who will pay to see twats like me. Where am I supposed to go if 10% of students go on strike? Well obviously I'll do exactly the same as I did before, but I'll earn about 10% less!'
Students are said to be joining with the unemployed for a mass "pointless protest" next week.