London - (Hunt-4-Dread-October Mess): It was last spotted listing to aft during the mating season in Loch Ness' murky waters, leeching power from indigenous electric eels.
This afternoon the missing: presumed toast Akula-class submersible sprang suddenly and unexpectedly out of the Princess Diana Memorial Fountain.
Scores of frightened children ran screaming from the Hype Park water feature as the sub's conning tower began circling menacingly.
Within minutes Royal Parks Agency rangers arrived armed with trusty pitchforks and lopping pruners with which they began stabbing the alien interloper.
A pitched battled then ensued for all of two minutes following which the Akula suddenly began its dive, disappearing in the Fountain's crystal healing waters in a bubble of mystery gas.
The Royal Navy's flagship sub HMS Astute is hors de combat for the duration.
