Written by Ben Griffiths

Friday, 5 November 2010

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image for Shocked minger told she's too ugly for primetime TV
A wrinkly person, yesterday

Former Countryfile presenter Miriam O'Reilly is suing the BBC for age and sex discrimination.

Aesthetically challenged Ms O'Reilly, 53, is upset after getting the chop when the show was moved to a primetime slot. An employment tribunal heard this week that she was warned "to be careful with those wrinkles when high definition comes in" shortly before being given the boot.

O'Reilly appears to have been outraged by shallow, image-obsessed comments made by BBC bosses trying to maintain a competitive edge in the shallow, image-obsessed world of weekend primetime television. She will expect plenty of public support for her case, clearly having been too busy enjoying the comforts of the BBC gravy train to wake up to the fact that, just sometimes, life can be a real bitch.

The inescapable probability that most licence fee payers would rather see their money spent on the salaries of irritating but eye-pleasing dolly birds than on the retirement funds of irritating and pig-ugly old bats is yet to be examined in full by the court. An overweight forty-something at the bus stop outside Lidl, who hadn't been asked for an opinion on the matter, muttered "The heart bleeds, it really does..." before stopping to toy with a sore behind his left ear. Wincing slightly, he then questioned whether anybody hears Ray Charles whining about the fact that he's too blind and too dead to drive the Number 275 to Walthamstow.

"Someone should tell her to suck it up and get on with it. We've all got problems. My lumbago's giving me gyp and I've got this bloody ulcer too. Plus Mabel forgot to get the milk in this morning and our Tommy's in troub- hey, wait! I haven't finis-" he added, conclusively.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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