Shopping Channel Host Disaster

Funny story written by IainB

Friday, 22 October 2010

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Celia yesterday

Celia Whassaname, the face of shopping channel QED, has been struck down by a rare medical condition, rideiotis. She has been hospitalised while cosmetic surgeons attempt to fix the problem.

"It is quite a serious condition," said doctor Noel Tucker, the cosmetic surgeon who will be operating on Whassaname. "I've only seen two other cases. Jack Nicholson and Cheri Blair."

Celia had been attempting to sell a towel organiser, with a free thrown in towel embroidery kit, when she was struck down.

"Rideiotis happens when the cheek muscles freeze a fake smile into place," Tucker explained. "It's from the latin 'Fixed Smile'. I believe Rideon took their name from the condition. It occurs when one forces a smile for too long. Almost like the wind has changed!"

Tucker explained what will be done: "We need to sever the nerves to the cheeks, which has the side effect of never letting the person smile again."

Owners of QED on hearing about the side effect want Celia to forgo surgery.

"We have asked if she would return to work instead," said Will Floggit. "The surgeon has said that there will be some pain, but nothing paracetamol cannot fix. We could really do with somebody who can sell anything while smiling. Some of the crap we have on our channel has meant we have to dope the presenters up before hand so they can smile while selling it. We could slash the drugs budget with Celia. Obviously if she goes ahead with the surgery she will be out of a job. What's the use of a sales presenter who cannot smile?"

Celia is said to be seriously considering returning to work with the smile in place, though she will have to learn to talk through her grimace.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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