Patients have reacted angrily to the news that they may be forced to have swine flu vaccinations. The proposed programme will see everyone entitled to the flu vaccination being tied down and jabbed repeatedly with needles containing the H1N1 swine flu vaccination.
Katherine Murphy, chief executive of the Patients Association, is very pissed off: 'The side effects of H1N1 are well documented. They include not suffering from a terrible flu with terrible flu-like symptoms this winter. How will anyone get any sympathy, or get to feel sorry for themselves if they are perfectly fucking healthy?'
It is proposed that patients will be plucked from their beds, whilst they are sleeping, by a giant, government-funded crane, and deposited in their nearest GP surgery.
'It's like Nightmare on Elm Street, all over again' adds Katherine, before continuing: 'One, two, the crane is coming for you, blah...blah...blah, never sleep again etc. Blah. All I can suggest is that the elderly, vulnerable and impregnated dose up on Red Bull and twist their own genitals to keep themselves awake'