Fair Progress Regresses

Funny story written by j.w.

Friday, 22 October 2010

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Not making much Progress understanding the figures

As an economic guru of world renown, I felt a need to discuss the recent financial statement from the Chancellor of the Excheques with the man himself.

'There seems to be some disagreemment, George, on whether your financial measures are progressive or regressive.'

'I can assure you that they are progressive, they hit the wealthy more than the poor, of that there is no doubt.'

'But the Institute for Fiscal Studies thought the opposite.'

'They don't know what they're talking about.'

'But you welcomed ther statements when Labour were in power.'

'Yes, they were accurate in those assessments then.But with the election they have become a tool of the Labour Party.'

I ventured to suggest that they were an independent organisation with a sound reputation for economic analysis.

'You only seem to approve of what they say when they agree with you.'

'I really don't think we are making much progress with this discussion. I have gven you fair answers and the Government is on the side of progress. Yesterday was Thursday, today is Friday - that is Progress!'

Clearly the Chancellor hadn't noticed that time had regressed to the 'Thatcher Era'.

'More nonsense' he declared 'Mrs Thatcher was the saviour of this country from ruin as I will be.'

A knock at the door and David Cameron's head appeared around the door; 'I'm not making much progress understanding your figures George, perhaps you can help me out.'

'That's the whole point David. No one can make head or tail of the figures. It gives everyone a fair chance of coming to the right decision. That's progress.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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