Criticizing monarchy, Prince William says "I am not my father, I don't need a personal Willy-valet to help me pee. No one's going to call me Urine-ness"

Funny story written by shea lo

Tuesday, 19 October 2010

image for Criticizing monarchy, Prince William says "I am not my father, I don't need a personal Willy-valet to help me pee. No one's going to call me Urine-ness"

Prince William, second-in-line to the British throne, would seriously like to modernize the Monarchy, challenging the "old-fashioned" way of doing things in the Royal Family.

In a candid interview to be aired soon, the Man who will be King hints he is fed up with always being told what he can and can't do, by the government or Buckingham Palace.

He said, "I like to disagree with them deliberately, because many of the things they come up with are very old-fashioned and don't work nowadays or are just wrong. People have wrong views on what it's like to be in this family, for instance.

"I want to correct them and I want to make people aware that there's new stuff and there're other ways and there is no reason why you can't be different... sometimes I listen to people but I like to take in lots of opinions and then make my own judgment."

It is well-known that while the hypocrite Charles - the Man who will never be King - preaches frugality and simplicity by exhorting his subjects to live a pared-down, simple Mumbai slumdog life, he, in fact lives like a modern-day Tudor monarch with a staff of over 124 people to wait on him hand and foot.

This includes valets to dress him, be ready and waiting with monogrammed squares of lavatory paper, squeeze toothpaste onto the Royal toothbrush held by another over-paid servant, polish his shoes, chefs to indulge his organic culinary whims, while a small army of estate workers performs tasks that he should be doing himself since he claims gardening to be one of his greatest passions!

There's even a special Willy-valet to hold & guide the Royal you-know-what for those personal nature breaks ;)

Add to that numerous other minions e.g charity administrators, orderlies, correspondence secretaries and gads of hangers-on and you come up with a staggering figure of 6,303,000 pounds, up from the 6,244,000 pounds he spent the year before. This, while ordinary pissed-off Brits see wages cut, taxes raised, social benefits gone, while still being able to drunkenly pee on their own in public squares.

William said he wanted the monarchy to live a more down-to-earth life and suggested that as King one of the first things he would do away with was the Royal Willy-valet used by his father.

He said he had been living on his own long enough not to need the services of a personal Willy-valet and could "manage going on my own thank you very much. No one's going to call me Urine-ness".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more