Consternation in Royal circles has grown to fear on the news that Prince Philip's Memoirs are to be published shortly.
Extracts are due for publication in the 'Suday Times' and 'News of the World'. Rupert Murdoch is confident this should ensure a republic in Australia to greet King Charles III.
He is keeping Philip's philosophical writings for the 'Sunday Times' and the removal of the mask over the contest between Christine Keeler and Mandy Rice-Davies for the 'News of the World'. Christine Keeler is thought to come out on top.
The Queen has been heard by her Butler murmiring about 'strange powerful forces' her husband should be aware of and the Prince is taking no chances.
'No bungled car accident for me' he has declared 'I am being driven in a tank around the streets of London.' Advice from 'a mystery man' has suggested to the Prince that this makes him easily identifiable so he is considering staying in bed even longer and avoiding journeys with foreign chauffers. He also aims to be close to the Queen on all public appearances.
The Queen, meanwhile, is not amused by Philip's anticipated revelations. 'If he thinks I'm going to be put in the firing line with him he's got another thing coming' she told Prince Charles.
'We can't have Daddy putting you in danger, Mama!' exclaimed the heir to the throne 'you can come with me and leave Philip to fend for himself. If he wants to spill the beans then he can't complain about the mess on the front of his trousers.'
So a nation waits. Will Philip pull the plug? Will the Queen ditch him? Will Charles come to his mother's rescue? Has Camilla got a secret weapon?