Wedding Cake Guzzled By Miserable Cunt Security Guard

Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 22 September 2010


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Mmmmm, greedy cunt

Wedded bliss was short-lived for one happily-married couple last week, when, on returning from a honeymoon in Scotland, the bride discovered that wedding cake she had sent to her workplace for dissemination amongst her colleagues, had been totally consumed by a security guard.

The security guard, who shall remain nameless because I don't know his name, is nevertheless a miserable cunt, and bragged to other members of staff about his eating capabilities before downing 'half a 3-tier wedding cake' and more than 30 specially-baked orange cupcakes which the bride, Mrs Carina Eta, had planned to share with her workmates.

Mrs Eta, who works as an executive for a global telecommunications fuck-up, was clearly upset, as she told me:

"The security guard ate the lot. Not Fat Roy, the other one, the miserable cunt."

The cake-guzzling guard had been providing cover for Fat Roy whilst the latter had taken time off to deal with a family tragedy, and should have been more careful about who he was upsetting and bragging to, but you know these clever bastards, they never know when to shut up.

Anyway, when Eta returned to work and discovered that her cakes had been chomped by the guard, she made a formal complaint, and the guard has now been suspended.

I hope he gets the sack, like I did.

Why am I telling you this? Haven't I got enough to worry about?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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