Professor Stephen Hawking has revealed that God does not influence the "big bang" however former PM Gordon Brown makes one whenever he passes wind. Hawking said that the energy released from Mr Brown's nether region could power a population the size of Russia.
The prominent scientist went on to suggest that Gordon could utilise his gift even further by strangulating the moon's gravitational pull on the planet, evidenced by rise and fall of ocean tides. "Mr Brown doesn't know it but he could change physics forever" he said.
In response Gordon Brown would not say anything apart from letting rip some abdominal gas.