Written by Whitters

Friday, 3 September 2010

image for Cities Work Together To Enforce Customs Loophole
An Artists impression of the Isle of Wight, because the covernment have covered it in a large tarpaulen.

Two councils on the South Coast have joined forces after hearing of the horrors of the Isle of Wight and have announced that with immediate effect they are closing the borders except for "essential services".

The Media Spokesman for both Portsmouth and Southampton City Councils have remarked of outrage in the chambers at the apparent lack of control reported on news outlets such as TheSpoof and as a result have enforced the suspension of both the Wightlink and Red Funnel ferry services to the Island.

With immediate effect all passengers and vehicles will be required to report to the Car Ferry Terminal at Portsmouth where representatives of the Government will ensure that the following legal precidents are adhered:

  • Residents of the Isle of Wight are banned from leaving the Island
  • Visitors to the Isle of Wight are banned unless visiting residents of the Isle of Wight with prior agreement from the UK Government in Triplicate
  • The supply of Gasoline will increase. If Gas Stations can not accept any more then it is to be dumped in town centres, starting with Cowes
  • The supply of food and drink is solely at the discretion of the Senior Immigration Officer at Portsmouth terminal
  • Residents caught leaving the Island will be incarcerated in Spitbank Fort


The British Government would like to inform all concerned that it has set up a helpline for anyone concerned for visitors which is 123. Calls are free. A helpline for anyone concerned for residents has been set up, however not published.

A resident from close to the Portsmouth Terminal said "I am so glad they have taken this action, I had to keep my children in at night when I heard that a man just walked into a walk-in centre on the Island. I feared for their safety!

We will endevour to get reports from the Island in due course, however at this time communications appear to have been cut.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: travel, customs, Import




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