Ireland Celebrates "Stubborn Bastard" Who Refuses to Climb Down from Roof!

Funny story written by Morse

Sunday, 8 August 2010


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One of 'Fanny' McWahrts 8 kids exhausted after watching Fergus work!

Claiming "I won't climb down till I'm done," Irish homesteader Fergus McCarthy has become somewhat of a local folk hero in the sleepy village of Graiguenamagn as he's taken to his roof, and won't come down!

"The STUBBORN BASTARD'S been like that all his life," said Sean Kelly a former friend, "ever since trade school he's been a stubborn one...onst he makes his mind up there's no changin' it!"

McCarthy took to his roof about a fortnight ago, but it wasn't until 2 days ago that people took notice after a Utube feature was published of the man peeing from the ridge line from a height of 25 feet directly into the neck of an empty Stella bottle on the rocky ground below...never spilled a drop, neither.

According to the local building council, McCarthy started to build his own house several months ago, refusing any helping hands from neighbors, vowing to "build the fooking thing meslef...don't need no fooking favours neither!"

Keen observers, now camping out around the building site filled in the details.

"Near as we can figger," said one, " he's been planning this erection for over 7 years. I know he milled the oak logs and let them air dry in his back yard for that long while he was makin his bricks."

McCarthy's home, said to encompass about 1400 square feet, is a post and beam structure erected on a slab of concrete he mixed and poured himself.

In betweenst the posts are common bricks made the old fashioned way, with clay and straw and dried in a homemade kiln then stacked by size to provide interior and exterior wall construction.

"If I didn't know better," said Kelly, "I'd believe he shit those bricks one at a time...that's just the kind of STUBBORN BASTARD he is!"

With the rafters in place along with purlins, McCarthy took to his roof to place over 4,000 slate roofing tiles, and with winter coming on vowed not to come down till he was done!

In McCarthy's own words the roof design 'has more valleys than Wales', and necessitates that the intersecting roof lines be protected with lead flashing to facilitate water run off and prevent moisture intrusion.

Fergus has been working like the preverbal Beaver securing the individual tiles with 4 stainless steel ring shank nails through pre drilled holes in the slate into the purlins.

A local fish & chip store, seeing an opportunity, has decided to sponsor him and 3 times a day hoists a copy of The Sun wrapped around some grub.

On Sunday a neighbor sends up some scones wrapped in a printed copy of The Spoof, and in due time Fergus will send the wrapper back with annotated notes which are then submitted to the Spoof Forum.

Most comments have been noted to be brief and more than likely Profane!

With tourist occupancy at the bursting point on the Isle of Wight due to a massive publicity campaign, some UK tourists have decided instead to travel to Graiguenamagn in what has become somewhat of a Carnival Atmosphere.

Megan "Fanny" McWahrt on benefits since her first child at 13, brought her 8 children over after first attending the Raul Moat tribute in Britain.

"Well,see, I think Raul was a hero, avoidin the coppers and all that time. Me kids loved the spectacle and it were better than goin to Disney World," she said in classic British understatement.

"But this here, this is a real lesson for me kids....come to watch someone WORK! Ha! The kids sure learned a lesson here let me tell ya, they said 'Mum, what's that fool doin up there buildin a house when all he has to do is claim one from the town....?"

"Well, I jist tell em, 'he's just a STUBBORN BASTARD that don't know no better, and let that be a lesson to yer!"

Meanwhile, whilst you were reading this, Fergus has fastened 4 more tiles to the roof leaving just 3518 to go and 14,072 nails to drive home before he can get in out of the rain!

Fergus McCarthy, our STUBBORN BASTARD OF THE WEEK, we salute you!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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