The government are currently assessing proposals to how State Pensions are calculated, with plans to move away from the age-assessment which has been in place since everything was in black and white and before the smile was invented.
Working from a base payment of roughly Sod All, additional credit would be given to non Union members and those who have never been on the scrounge due to benefits exceeding payments for an honest days work. Similarly, it is believed that any existing claimants smelling of wee would have their weekly Giro reduced.
Despite the potential controversy surrounding these proposals, a Government spokesman stated the Coalition's known policy which is 'to get Britain back on its feet as long as Old Etonians make a few bob out of it'.
