"Job Cuts Will Not Lead To Higher Unemployment" - Chancellor

Funny story written by The Medium Cheese

Tuesday, 29 June 2010

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There might be job for you at the gym

The Government is to balance job losses from budget cuts by cutting welfare benefits, so getting people straight back to work.

In an interview with Cloud 9 news, the chancellor Geogre Osborne said, "Too many people, mainly disabled, ill or just plain lazy people don't go to work work and stay at home watching daytime TV and sapping up public money in welfare benefits. We want to get these people into work, and the way to do this is to stop their benefits, which we're doing from Wednesday. This will raise 11 billion for the economy."

Osborne continued, "But 11 billion isn't nearly enough to tackle the huge national debt we inherited from labour. That's why we're cutting public service budgets by an average of 25%, generating savings of £120 billion. Much of the savings will be through wages, and there will be widespread redundancies. Some services will disappear altogether. We expect the first people to get sacked will be people who are disabled, ill or just plain lazy."

"Even though the public sector jobs will no longer exist, we're confident these people will not become unemployed at all, and will find jobs immediately because of the steps were taking to get such people back into work. By ensuring there's no welfare benfits available, they'll be unable to stay out of work for long. This is the most positive 'back to work' scheme ever devised"

Asked what would happen to private sector jobs in the next three years, Osborne admitted the prospects are gloomy, saying, "It's going to be espcially tough for all those private firms contracted to public sector organisations. They will all probably have to close and shed their workforces".

Quentin Winterton asked Osborne what sort of jobs the new non-unemployed people could look forward to. Osborne said "That isn't a government responsibility. We do not want to fall into the trap of becoming a nanny state. Its up to the non-unemployed people to pick jobs that suit them and to work hard".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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