Terminally Ill Dolphin Swims with Humans

Funny story written by Sir Charles Cheese-Cake

Monday, 28 March 2005

A dying dolphin has had her final wish realised by swimming by humans. Dorothy, a bottle-nosed dolphin from Woking, England, contracted the HIV virus after a brief affair with an orca in Ibiza three years ago. Last February doctors gave her less than a year to live after the HIV developed into full-blown AIDS. "I didn't know what to do when I discovered I was HIV positive, " said Dorothy, "I really thought that was it. I spent days moping round the house, crying and feeling sorry for myself". Thankfully, friends rallied round Dorothy and gave her the support she so badly needed. It was during this extremely difficult time that Dorothy learned of a radical new treatment that had been giving false hope to thousands of desparate individuals just like her - she could swim with humans. A campaign by a leading UK tabloid newspaper with nothing better to do managed to raise enough cash for Dorothy to fly to California for her extraordinary treatment.
On her arrival in Los Angeles Dorothy was taken to Venice Beach where she swam with a school of around 15 fat Americans. "It was amazing," said Dorothy, "I was in the water, splashing about with them for around 40 minutes - they were so playful and kept grinning the whole time. Not one of them was agressive once or tried to eat me. I feel so much better now - it's like I've got my life back".
Dorothy has since returned to the UK after visiting Disneyland and Guantanamo Bay. Since her experience her doctors have been amazed at her recovery. "The AIDS virus appears to have gone into remission, " said Dorothy, "it's almost as if they cured me! Now, I've got a whole life in front of me which until last year I never thought I'd have". The dolphin is now planning a round the world cruise with friends.

(Sadly since this article was written Dorothy was caught in a tuna net and died)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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