Susan Boyle fanatics were deeply unhappy with today's UK emergency budget, after the chancellor announced a 300% tax on red scarves. The new FAT (Fanatic's Added Tax) is expected to raise several billion Pounds, mostly from wealthy American fanatics.
"This is an outrage!" grumbled any old fanatic. "I'll have to get my wealthy husband to increase my allowance. We'll just have to cut back on the champagne and caviar this week."
It was also announced that taxis carrying American tourists into SuBo's home town will be subject to a £100 toll. "This will help pay for the extra police required to keep fanatical loonies out of the village," said the chancellor.
"Och, that should keep the buggers oot!" said a local resident. "I've been blessed so many times now I can actually walk on water!" he grumbled.
In a further blow, the chancellor announced a new duty on lemonade. This will work out at about £1.50 on a 2 litre bottle, or about 40p per glass. The duty only applies to Americans, and will be doubled if the American complains that it's not actually lemonade because it's fizzy. The chancellor expects this new duty to raise several million Pounds just from Susan's local pub.
