MPs get political jargon 'swear box'

Funny story written by Jimbo123

Friday, 18 June 2010

image for MPs get political jargon 'swear box'
"Hull was simply dreadful darling."

MPs are to be given the political equivalent of a 'swear box' to deter them from using tiresome political words and phrases. On the list so far are - 'clearly', 'y'know', 'opportunity', 'fairness', 'change', 'need' and starting a sentence with the preposition 'It's right....'.

Even though the penalty is just a pound for each offence, political watchers have calculated based on 2009 alone this could generate £10m towards the deficit or about 40 offences per MP per hour based on their 5hr working week.

David Timmis of Channel 4 explained - "Cameron and Osbourne probably won't worry about it - they've both got huge inheritances in the bank, but the labour x-cabinet losers should be careful. They've already taken a 50% pay cut for messing up and some of them can't complete a sentence without saying 'y'know' or clearly."

The commons authority is also looking at a fine for the disingenuous 'dropping of Ts' - for example saying opportuni-ee. One official explained -

"When they're mixing it in Islington with the rich and famous they sound like 'cut glass' Princess Anne but in front of voters it's more like Katie Price. We think voters should be aware of these double standards."

John Prescott was first to be fined for "Y'Know, it's right we have the opportuni-ee for change. Clearly there is a need for fairness" - said on Question Time. However he appealed that the fine be reduced to £5 since he'd being saying 'y'know' all his life. In rejecting his defence, the hearing commitee said he was lucky the fines were not retrospective.

The only time an appeal can be upheld is if the MP in question says "forgive me, I am useless" an equal number of times to the offences made - a sort of politicians 'hail-mary'.

Additionally Labour MPs can receive £5 'cash back' for saying 'Tony Blair is a blight on humanity.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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