The UK's favourite home for psychological wannabees and weirdos has opened it's doors for the 11th and last time. Yes, Big Brother is back for a summer of fun and frolics.
Who will be the first housemate, I wonder, to mention the England v USA game on the 12th, who will be told the score in a secret task and how drunk will they all get on Saturday when the USA win?
David Cameron, hotfoot from almost being Talibanned in Afghanistan, is well into Big Brother and has set Nicky Clegg, Vince Cable and David Laws a secret task, to test their loyalty to England and the coalition.
Don't worry, the reason for combining all the big stories of the summer in the UK will become apparent.
Masquerading as Three Little Sisters of the Poor, a private Order of Nuns who are not sure if they are coming or going, our LibDem politicians are busy walking the streets of Westminster.
Their task, and they have no choice they have to do it, is to check the coalition MP's expensive second homes and count how many are flying the cross of St George.
Cameron already knows the answer as the MP's were told, 3 line whipped - just do it - England expects.
The Little Sisters have completed their task. They are sauntering back to no 10 to report to Big Dave. Who should they see in the Cycle Lane? An angry, nay furious Gordon Brown, ex Glorious Leader and on a mission.
He cycles as fast as his fat wee legs will allow towards the Little Sisters but repeats, once again, his tragic mistake of missing the targets. He cycles into some very hard back benches, somersaults off his bike and ends up in a Private Hospital that his BUPA policy pays for.
Cameron welcomes back the secret task trio. He is smiling and enjoying the much repeated, Steve McQueen epic,"The Great Escape".
"How many flags did you find guys?" he enquires. Clegg shows him the total.
Dave cannot wait, he has been wetting himself all day, he always wanted to say this, straight from "The Great Escape",
"Two hundred and fifty, you guys are crazy"
