Big Brother Suicide Bid

Funny story written by Gary Midgeley

Thursday, 10 June 2010


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The world is in shock this week when Big Brother, whom is only 9 years old, was found in the bathroom after another attempt to commit suicide, with its ratings in the toilet and its dignity going straight down the drain; it wasn't a pretty sight to see.

It's thought the show injected itself full of rubbish again as traces of fake Beyonce, uni-brow caveman and twats were found inside BB.

Immediate attempts were made to try to stabilise the near corpse, by injecting a mixture of radioactive orange Katie Price substitute and ugly bisexual and in a last gasp, desperate move, even a fat he/she Minister was also brought in, but only time will tell if this will work, early indications suggest not.

As the news spread, it quickly sparked rumours that this is just another 'cry for attention' from the show, but Police instantly quashed these rumours, claiming this to be a genuine suicide attempt, "If this were a cry for attention, there wouldn't be so many twats, there just wouldn't, this is clearly a bid to commit suicide-plain and simple" said a police spokesman.

BB will now be closely monitored 24 hours a day by experts over the coming weeks and attempts will be made to slowly remove the rubbish from BB, but even if BB survives, it will never make a full recovery because of the constant rubbish that's been injected into BB over the many years which has caused permanent damage.

After hearing the news, Big Brother's Little Brother, 8, was said to be inconsolable and people started calling for their parent, Channel 4, to be charged with neglect for ignoring the obvious downward spiral of BB that has lead to this situation.

It was confirmed that if BB does survive this latest attempt to take its own life, both Big Brother and Big Brother's Little Brother will be put up for adoption where potential new parents could be Sky, Dave or even Beeb.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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