Porn industry blocks NHS sperm donor plans

Written by Mike Roberts

Tuesday, 20 April 2010

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"Sexier uniforms for nurses just aren't working" said Andy Burnham

The Secretary of State for Health, Andy Burnham, has lashed out at the porn industry after research showed it was a major hindrance to NHS plans to pay cash incentives for sperm donations.

"The industry thinks only of its profits and is apparently happy to see millions of sperm donations being simply discarded or flushed down the toilet rather than going to help childless couples." he said angrily during a press conference in London.

A spokesman for Friends of American Porn (FAP), based in the infamous San Fernando Valley in Los Angeles, replying to the criticism said "Why should the NHS be surprised at such a low take-up rate for their scheme, when all they offer is a few magazines and a small plastic cup? If they are serious about their sperm donation plans then why not let the 'experts' take over? Give us 6 months running the operation and they'll have more sperm than they could ever hope for."

Mr Burnham admitted the NHS incentives scheme had its shortcomings, "We've completely renewed our stock of magazines and bought new 'sexier' uniforms for both female AND male nurses, well you never know, but none of this seems to have had much effect."

"One of the problems that needs to be overcome is getting people to change the habit of a lifetime." he continued. "The comfort and privacy of your own home is very appealing to most people but we are trying very hard to emulate this in our donation centres. Only last week we purchased new comfortable armchairs and sofas, washable of course."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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