Iceland's Volcano Eyjafjallajokull Is Causing a Hellacious Mess All Over The World

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 18 April 2010


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Iceland's volcano Eyjafjallajokull erupting sending hot molten lava four miles high as the all-burned-to-hell crow flies.

MISSOULA, Montana - The North American Volcanic Ash Observatory in Missoula has been inundated with literally tons of informative information since Iceland's volcano started its volcanized rumblings.

The volcano which is named Eyjafjallajokull (pronounced: ELIN-NOR-de-GREN) has been spewing forth literally thousands of tons of gray volcanic ash, much like the volcanic ash that is found in most activated volcanoes.

Craig F. Kipplemeister, director of NAVAO, stated that the monstrous volcano has the potential of making Mount St. Helens appear like a mere pimple on a teenage boy's face.

Kipplemeister went on to say that many people from all over the world falsely believe that the sixteen lettered name Eyjafjallajokull is actually Ukrainian and translates to: Shit-filled lavanistic mountain.

The director of NAVAO pointed out that the Icelandic volcano was really named after the famed womanizing Cambodian explorer Hans Eyjafjallajokull, Jr.

Hans actually wanted to name the volcano after his first name Hans, because he felt that naming it after his last name would have made it very difficult to pronounce as well as almost impossible to spell, or at least to spell correctly.

Mount Eyja, for short, has already disrupted 99.7 percent of all U.K. and European air travel. It has caused the gay and lesbian ship line, The High Seas Lisp Line to cancel 41 cruises including the infamous two week cruise from San Francisco Harbor to the Greek Island of Las Lesbos, where lesbians can get a marriage license for 8,000 Dacabatittis [15 cents U.S].

Eyja has also caused Lindsay Lohan to have still one more damn thing to sit and cry incessantly about.

GOPrincess Ann Coulter has blamed the volcanic eruption on the Democratic led congress. Rush Limbaugh agrees with her. Bill O'Reilly agrees with Rush. And Sean Hannity agrees with Bill.

Meanwhile former president Bill Clinton remarked to Anderson Cooper that Coulter, Limbaugh, O'Reilly, and Hannity are all basically communists who really need to pack up all of their hate-spewing shit, clothes, and cheap ass weapons and move down to Los Cabrones, Guatemala, which is considered Moscow del Sur.

In non-related news. Jesse James has reportedly commented that once his divorce from Sandra Bullock becomes final he wants to go out with Lindsay Lohan. He said that he wants to talk to her about covering up most of her freckles with tattoos.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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