Berkshire - (Gonads): The desperate wannabe royal was born in Mick Jagger's Stargroves mansion, less than 15 miles from the Middleton family's Bucklebury home in Prattshire.
Newly released swabs from the UK National Poisons Unit confirm Jerry Hall's firstborn was swapped early on in her first months of life after Mile High Spreadeagle Airways hostess Carole Middleon somehow 'mislaid' her own newborn babe, named Catherine.
The little cuckoo chicklet was brought up with substaintial cash inducements from her natural father - Prince Charles' doppelganger impersonator whose own birth parents are Raine, C[o]untess Spencer and Robert Maxwell RIP.
Former supermodel Jerry Hall's one night fling with the Charles lookalike ended costing the Pretender to the Throne an arm and a leg.
A legal pact written in blood by Hellfire Club lawyers guaranteed the little minx of a daughter would one day be shoehorned into a royal wedding.
The agreement weas ratified soon after Charles killed his own sons William and Harry following a disastrous cocaine-ridden weekend of mayhem and devilry back in 1986.
The 'new' William and Harry were hastily inserted from Palace stock of young lookalikes.
UK Prime Monster Gorgon Brown and EU High Minister Baroness Ashcroft (sic) are young 'William's' own natural parents while David Cameron and some anonymous red-haired floozy are responsible for 'Harry'.
Stargroves Manor is now a holistic therapy center for reflexology nutters.