New Tory Scheme For Teenage Workers

Written by Nick Hobbs

Wednesday, 14 April 2010

image for New Tory Scheme For Teenage Workers
The things they come up with...

The Conservatives have put forth a proposal to solve the problems many small businesses face when employing 'young adults', or teenagers as we used to call them.

Many employers face huge financial losses when lazy, disinterested and bored young staff fail to turn up on time, if at all, to work every day.

Under the new 'Work Avoidance Scheme' the Tories aim to clear up the division between hard working staff and lazy teens.

"We plan to sign these kids up to the scheme, it will involve day trips to Alton Towers, money for beer and cigs and a twice weekly cash handout for pot and Rizla's," said Quentin Harper-Smythe MP.

When we pointed out that this sounds very much like Jobseekers Allowance, Mr Harper-Smythe said "yes, but for teenagers!"

"The scheme will be funded by the taxpayer," he continued, "and the teen will have to prove he can't be arsed to work once every fortnight, infront of a panel of judges made up of celebrities, who also have no clue what it's like to have a real job."

Whether the scheme will go down well with voters remains to be seen, but I'm sure it will ensure they get the young vote.

More as we..oh you know!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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