Amazing events in London as it has been alleged Boris Johnson's cock has been kidnapped.
Boris went to release his cock for its normal morning stretch and found it missing. After calling in the Police, scene of crime officers have carried out a thorough investigation of Boris's home and, whilst there were some markings from where the cock had sprayed and marked it's territory, sadly there was no sign of the cock itself. They also stated that the bathroom could do with a bit of a clean.
Sources say that Boris in inconsolable as he was due to visit the annual Cock Of The South event tonight with his long time friend and fellow gobshite Lemsip O'Toothpick.
Apparently a ransom demand that Boris does something with that stupid mop of straw has been received but Police have stated that no ransom will be paid as they do not deal with terrorists.
More as we get it.
