Written by victor nicholas

Sunday, 28 February 2010

image for Fallobian Independence Gains Momentum
Dancing the Finnanfadder

Since the late 1700's a small population of several thousand Fallobians have been living near Hampton Heath.

Fallobian Grandee Firstus Festus says the Fallobians have managed to maintain their culture for centuries since fleeing persecution by Turkish invaders to their native country, Fallobia, but feel the pressures of modern society may soon make Fallobian life a thing of the past.

"Fallobians need to stand up and demand an autonomous homeland before they become assimilated and Fallobian culture disappears."

Also known as "The Chicken People" Fallobians speak excellent English interspersed with occasional clucking sounds and head bobbing and are distinguished by their striking beige skin tone. Both men and women favour wearing Tyrolean hats and enjoy the national drink, franzia, made from fermented franzinberries.

Expert carvers, Fallobians are renowned for the art of making cuckoo clocks and glockenspiels. Fallobian potato sculptures are highly prized as souvenirs by tourists as well and frazzers, the Fallobian currency, are often sent back to relatives still living in war-torn Fallobia.

Traditionally Fallobian cuisine includes delicious hob nobs and grazenfelders.

Fallobian customs include laying on a block of ice while naked in a frizzard, a small wooden hut insulated with sawdust.

While proud of their past Fallobians are proud of their technological achievements as well most notably the Fallobian Space Chicken. Firstus Festus claims "Fallobians were the first nation to reach outer space when a chicken in a wicker basket was sent aloft in a hot air balloon in 1912 and never returned." According to experts at the Fallobian Space Centre who continue to track the event, the Fallobian Space Chicken is somewhere near Neptune but still within our solar system.

The Fallobian Space Chicken is ubiquitous, commemorated everywhere from the Fallobian flag to ceramic souvenir thimbles and shot glasses.

The Fallobian national sport is tossing the fallober a large potato pancake, currently a pair's event that Fallobians hope to make an Olympic sport along with riding the fallober pan, the large cast-iron pan used to cook fallobers in.

Fallobians celebrate the feast of St. Aduffus, their patron saint, a colourful festival where people pretend not to remember their own name for a day. It is a time of great merriment with much feasting on hob knobs and grazenfelders, riding the fallober pan and drinking franzia with boys and girls chasing each other for kisses while dancing the finnanfadder and jumping for golden frazzers.

Show jumping in full costume, done without horses, rounds out the festivities.

London mayor Boris Johnson, honourary St. Aduffus for this year's event, opened the festivities by riding in on a fallober pan.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: chickens

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