Brinks Mat bullion in Broadwater Farm garden?

Funny story written by queen mudder

Wednesday, 29 September 2004

image for Brinks Mat bullion in Broadwater Farm garden?

London, Wednesday (Rioters) - Police acting on "first rate intelligence" have begun excavating a back garden on the notorious Broadwater Farm estate in Tottenham, North London where Gary Linneker and Ken Noye are believed to have buried most of the proceeds of the 1983 Brinks Mat bullion heist from Heathrow Airport.

The tip-off follows FBI intelligence after norotious 70s crooner turned Godsquad pundit Cat "Kitty" Stevens was detained last week at Maine by US Homeland Security airport staff, who had noticed he was travelling under the assumed name of Yusuf Islam. "Something was ever so slightly suspicious about him", said a spokesman, "maybe it was the beard." A quick scan of the FBI's Most Wanted mug shots soon found a match which showed Mr Islam was wearing a gold chain around his neck that was hallmarked with identical glyphs to the mysterious and highly controversial missing Brinks Mat nuggets. A hasty extradition followed and Islam was then tracked by undercover police officers on his return to the UK, leading to a trail pointing to the missing bullion in the Broadwater Farm Estate.

The Met's teams of forensic, archaeological and landscaping divisions began their excavations early yesterday in the garden of No 16 Willan Road after cordoning off the area from suspected Provos masquerading as Ministry of Agriculture truffle pickers, amateur metal detecting fans and undercover Thames Water sewerage inspectors whose rival claims to prospecting on the land could hinder Police rights to any reward. A Met spokesman told the Rioters News Agency: "We know it's down here somewhere. "

Meanwhile at the Labour Party Annual Conference in Brighton, a very worried Cherry Bush QC was frantically trying to contact her "lifestyle guru" Carole Caplin last night after the news of the bullion connection stunned the congregated party faithfull. "Cherie just wanted to know if it's not too late to cancel the airline tickets for next week's New York lecture tour and was wondering if the latest news that all UK visitors are to be fingerprinted and DNA tested also applied to her", said her spokeswoman.

Gary Linneker is 49.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more