Christmas Riot

Funny story written by IainB

Tuesday, 22 December 2009

image for Christmas Riot
Do the Twist

Hordes of shoppers have descended on a small toy shop in Chipping Norton when it was revealed that they had three Twisting Turtles for sale.

The Twisting Turtles are this year's MUST HAVE toy for the fashion conscious child. With much less arsenic than the Go Go Hamster, they not only entertain children for several minutes, but also do not cause blindness and dementia.

After the revelation of the Hamster's arsenic content, allegiances among parents switched to the crazy Twisting Turtles, and shops reported parents buying several in one go, presumably to put on eBay. The small green shelled reptilian toys sped rapidly up the toy sales charts, desired by boys and girls alike, and leading to a feeding frenzy the like had not been seen since records began in June.

Queues rapidly formed outside toy shops up and down the land, and stock rapidly cleared. Internet retailers indicated that sales were outstripping their ability to supply faster than for any other toy ever made. Within forty-eight hours, it had become impossible to purchase a Twisting Turtle anywhere in Europe, and the USA had closed it's borders to exports of the toy in order to provide it's own delusional parents with the must have item.

Websites were set up tracking the toy's last locations and with each revelation, thousands of distraught parents would criss-cross the country, braving the surprising and seasonal weather to queue for hours before the shop opened. Some were rewarded but most had to check their iPhone Applelet Where's My Turtle for the next location.

The last three turtles in existence were tracked down to Chipping Norton, and now there is a queue a quarter of a mile long outside the shop, despite there only being three there.

"It'll be an absolute disaster if I don't get one," said Mary Hinge, at the back of the queue. "My little one will cry for minutes."

Twisting Turtle manufacturer, Jelly Mould, said that "Parents should get a grip" and "it's only a freakin toy, the kids will get over it."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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