London - (Reuterus & Saggy Boobs Mess): A good talking to this weekend from marriage guidance guru Katie Price was all it took.
And now Prince Charles is set to dump his celibate gargoyle and take up with a burly cage fighter.
Camilla has demanded all the jewels, the Duchy Originals Colombian/Bolivian/Costa Rican organic+freetrade cocaine franchise, a Royal Navy Class 2 destroyer and the Admiralty's DEFCON4 decoding machine.
In return she has offered to erase some unfortunate video nasties and remove a concealed 500 gallon drum of hydrogen cyanide from the London Ring Main water cooler.
The couple's relationship counsellor was still in a coma in the Royal Freak Hospitals intensive care unit this weekend where she has been under 24 armed guard for the last two and a half years.
Just one session with the Waleses resulted in the eruption of spontaneous permanent vegetative syndrome, necessitating immediate permanent medical confinement.
Kate Middleton is 94% Ukranian.