Teacher Adopts Strange Pet

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 18 November 2009

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Cockroaches have to be cleaned out regularly

It might seem like a strange kind of pet to many people, but one Englishman living in Thailand has adopted what seems to be the perfect live-in companion for his Bangkok apartment - a cockroach!

Monkey Woods, originally from Hull in East Yorkshire, discovered the cockroach when it waved its eerie antennae in his face as he awoke from his deep slumbers at the weekend. It quickly scurried away, but was later seen 'having a go' at a tasty egg sandwich that Woods had prepared earlier, and the pair have been friends ever since.

Woods, who had been intending to eat the egg sandwich for his supper, said:

"I've tried everything, but the bastard won't die. I've sprayed it with Shelloc and Raygon, and have even trodden on it with my robust leather shoes on, and spun around like an ice-skater, but it's indestructible!"


Cockroaches are usually very timid insects who avoid contact with humans as much as possible, but 'Cocky', as he has been dubbed, just loves being around his master. Woods told us:

"He taunts me. Waits until I have a nap, then he's out, foraging around for whatever he can lay his filthy little legs on. Twat."


Looking after a cockroach is a full-time job. As Woods explains:

"It shits everywhere. Little roach-sized turds, all over the floor and worktops. Makes me puke. I found some in the milk yesterday."


Monkey makes sure Cocky gets plenty of exercise too. He said:

"I chase the bastard around with whatever I've got handy - a newspaper, a book, a shoe, a brush, it doesn't matter. If I manage to land a direct hit, he just shrugs it off and runs away. On Monday, I'm sure I heard him laugh."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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