There was panic then total relief in Thailand today when an English teacher in Bangkok thought he'd shit himself, but, as luck would have it, had only farted in his underkegs!
The man - me, of course - had just finished eating his horrible dinner at the school where he is working in the city, when he felt his flimsy Western tummy start to rumble and churn. Fearing for the worst, he arrested his noshing immediately, but it was already too late - or so he thought!
Shifting his left arse cheek just a smidgeon to allow a build-up of noxious gases to escape, he released an air biscuit the magnitude of which had not been witnessed at the school for a very long time - if ever - sending students and staff alike running for cover.
The man was sure he'd shit himself, and adjourned to the toilets where, on closer inspection, he found no disgusting brown mess in evidence. It wasn't all good news though. He told a cleaner who hadn't a clue what he was on about:
"There's a dirty great brown skidmark - the wife won't be happy when she has to scrub that out!"