The Latest Internet Tool for Criminals

Funny story written by IainB

Tuesday, 20 October 2009

image for The Latest Internet Tool for Criminals
Low car crime area = less cars locked at night...

After the big news that Google are starting to show images of which houses have satellite dishes and no alarms through their street mapping software, criminals will soon have another weapon in their arsenal to aid and abet them in their nefarious activities.

The Secretary of State for Justice, Jack Straw, has unveiled a country wide map detailing crime statistics for every house in the country.

Jack Straw was upbeat about the new web site: "Anybody can zoom in to a town or village, right down to street level, and check the burglary or violent crime rates right in their area. We believe that giving people the information allows them to act on that information."

Trev Nutjob, a light-fingered burglar from Denton near Manchester agrees with Jack Straw.

"It's a fantastic tool," he said, putting on a Cockney accent for no good reason. "I can look at it and see where the crime rates are really low at the moment, cos those guys are gonna be completely unprepared for being burgled. I then run those streets through Google Street Maps and check out how few of em have alarms, which to be frank is most of em. Finally, I can check out when half of em are going on holiday by being their friends on Facebook. The Internet's a godsend really."

Jack Straw was belligerent about the new tool for Burglars: "The Internet is a double edged sword, of course it can be misused, but that's not what this new web site's for, and you know it!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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