Cold Case Crime Blotter: Polanski nabbed! Dangerous fiend still on the loose.

Funny story written by W.P. Wonder

Monday, 28 September 2009


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Forget it, Roman, this ain't Chinatown.

32 years on the lam has come to an end for renowned filmmaker Roman Polanski.

Back in 1977, perp Polanski pleaded guilty to having unlawful sex with a minor, served six weeks in lock-up for evaluation while awaiting sentencing, but got cold feet on the eve of the day of reckoning and fled to the safe haven of France. It was only this past weekend that the long and unforgiving arm of American justice, with cooperation of the Swiss, reached out and collared the punk.

Mr. Polanski's decision to come out from cover and strut down the red carpet at Zurich's small film festival is one he'll rue for a long time. (At least till his high-priced lawyers get the case "resolved." Diddling a thirteen year old? I mean, what's the big deal? Six weeks behind bars was plenty of time. Plus the girl got a huge pay-off. Anyway, these kids gotta learn about sex somewhere along the path of life. Why not at the onset of puberty, in a Jacuzzi with a middle-aged man, who bore magical gifts of a partial quaalude and a champagne bottle that poured and poured till judgment and consciousness blurred.)

Despite the success of the Polanski snag, justice must not rest on its laurels. For even before the dastardly deed of Polanski (six years previous to be exact) yet another famous person started a one-woman deadly crime wave. The blatant disregard for law and life of attempted murderer and songstress Roberta Flack is ongoing to this very day. Yes, although slowing down a bit over the years, she is still killing . . . me . . . softly. And her weapon of choice and M.O. remain the same: With his song.

Miss Flack's last known whereabouts were suspected to be at a Denny's, or maybe a Carrows, or quite possibly abusing her Medicare benefits by seeking companionship at a doctor's office. If you, or any of your loved ones, have any useful info. that might bust this case wide open, at once dial 1-800-386-2277. Again, that's 1-800-D - U - M - B - A - S - S.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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