A fart can be more trouble than it's worth sometimes, especially when it's a particularly wet fart, and so it was when unemployed car worker, Tabib Dipthong of Dudley, dropped his guts after a tasty curry last Thursday.
Poor Tabib, 34, had taken his lovely wife, Rajvinder, out for a meal at the Star of India, and had just finished his Chicken Vindaloo when he felt a slight stirring in his bowel.
Supremely aware of the fact that his wife was present - even after a shedload of cheap booze - Tabib tried to stifle the imminent explosion, but the bubble of air that then built up inside him started to cause him extreme indigestion, and he decided to 'let it out slowly' and with great care.
Sadly, what happened next, has been the butt of countless bar-room jokes over the centuries, and it never gets any less funny.
Raising his right arse cheek only a quarter of an inch, the hapless Indian attempted to squeeze out a small, hopefully silent pump that his wife wouldn't notice, thinking to himself that, even if she smelt it, in a crowded restaurant such as this, the deed could not reasonably be attributed to him.
Alas, the silence he desired was shattered when, a trump of Biblical proportions leapt from his ringpiece with such force, that a painting on the wall above him was dislodged from its nail, and several women ran screaming from their meals, and into the street outside.
Dipthong excused himself from the chaos, and ran to the gents, only to find that his vain efforts to conceal his wind had resulted in a seven-inch, brown skid mark that was still wet, and was going to take his wife hours to scrub out.
Today, Rajwinder, who is now filing for divorce, told the Dudley Express & Star:
"He's a filthy bastard! He usually leaves skid marks all over the bedsheets!"
