Balmoral Castle - (Grim Reaper Mess): Seventy years after her father invaded Poland Hitler's daughter has locked herself in her Scottish throneroom with a Duchy Originals self-euthanasia kit and a loaded shotgun.
Even the twelfth anniversary of Princess Diana's RIP fails to raise any sympathy as Royal Bank of Scotland bailiffs demand Mrs Joseph Ratzinger's immediate settlement of that pesky $100 million Cuntts & Co overdraft.
The personal cheque from that awfully nice Colonel Gaddafi has bounced.
And now the AbdelBasset Ali al-Meghrahi is threatening to sue Kate Middleton for a dodgy cocaine wrap, contaminated with the same Plutonium-210 that killed the Lockerbie Bomber's accomplice Alexander Litvinenko.
Wills and Harry are Al-Qaeda impostors.
