Tories' Totnes election shock for Sarah Wollaston

Funny story written by Everyman

Wednesday, 5 August 2009

image for Tories' Totnes election shock for Sarah Wollaston
Mrs Thatcher's political dreams very much alive in Totnes

The Tories have been embarrassed by the results of their innovative candidate selection in Totnes.

Although Sara Wollaston may have won the nomination from the first ever "Primary" held in the UK, the other votes reward closer scrutiny.

Every voter was asked to answer the question "Who would you like to be the tory candidate in the next general election." In terms of the most number of votes, the winner should have been a certain person apparently called Noone. Given that the candidates were Nick Bye, Sara Randall Johnson and Dr Sarah Wollaston then unfortunately Noone - who must be quite posh as his/her name is hyphenated to "No-one" was not on the official candidate list and so could not win.

The following unofficial candidates also seemed to do quite well:

Mr "F*** off and leave me alone"
Miss "Are you kidding me - why would I help the Tories"

and a certain Mrs Thatcher.

Nick Bye was thought to have done particularly badly due to his failed telephone canvassing. Apparently every time he called someone he would start, "Hi, this is the hopeful Tory candidate Nick Bye" to which the immediate and predictable response was "Bye" and hanging up

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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