Written by Lightning Conductor

Friday, 31 July 2009

image for Mike Ashley to be cremated with Sir Bobby!
A young Sir Bobby proving his claim to have invented "The Mullet" so beloved of top footballers worldwide!

Distraught fans of the the best and only club in the world "Newcastle United FC" are planning a surprise event at Sir bobby's funeral!

Fervant NUFC Fan Willie Wiggins from Ponteland came up with the wizard idea in a bid to make fans feel better and turn this sombre occasion into a celebration whilst giving the much loved Sir Bobby a great send off and ridding the City of the scourge of "Fat Cockney bastards".

Speaking from the phone box on the bar in the Highlander Public House (just outside Ponteland but not quite in Belsay!) Wiggins went on to explain that supporters had already trapped Ashley in a giant "Wicker Man" where he'd remain until the body of Sir Bobby arrives.

The great man will be carried through the streets by a grateful public wearing a Newcastle Strip with an Ipswich FC bobble hat to to be seen on his way to Heaven where he will surely sit at God's right hand.

When I questioned Wiggins on the fate of Ashley, he just said, he'll be going to Hell!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Ashley Cole




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