Written by Chamone

Wednesday, 29 July 2009

image for Local Man Can't Stand Heat - Decides to Get out of the Kitchen
Shut up, Woman!

Local man Jerry Umbridge, of number 6 Colchester Avenue, has exited his kitchen after noticing his wife, Tania, was reading shit UK ladies magazine 'Heat' at the kitchen table.

The man stormed out in disgust after he could no longer take listening to his wife prattling on about the size of Jordan's tits and how Mischa Barton has a colonic irrigation while being breastfed by squirrels!

"I fucking hate that magazine", said Jerry today, "it's nothing but pictures of half-naked orange-coloured non-celebrities flashing their knickers outside some shitty restaurant in London!"

Jerry's wife is slightly retarded and has to read aloud otherwise she will forget where she is on the page.

"She gets on my fucking nerves. Everyday it's so-and-so is dating some gay chap or else she's talking shite about some new make up. I'm sick and tired of it. I just want to eat my breakfast in peace!"

The couple have come to a compromise: Tania can still read aloud, but only in the hallway, while Jerry gets to wear headphones and listen to his favourite Al Jolson records.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: magazines, heat




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