People Melt on Hottest Day of Year

Funny story written by Lord Bonzo

Monday, 1 June 2009

image for People Melt on Hottest Day of Year
Remains of a woman found melted to the pavement at Hyde Park Corner

A human condition called 'Sun-Melt' is back with a vengeance, after reports of at least 20 people melting on the UKs hottest day of the year. "We have not seen this since the 1977 'Big Heat'," said a London hospital spokesman.

The condition attacks those with fair skin; who have the rare negative 'O' blood type; and enjoy folk music.

"Some physically cannot cope with the hot sun and their bodies melt accordingly," continued the spokesman. In London, two were reported to have melted while sunbathing in St James Park. Three boys from the public school, 'Eton College', melted while watching a cricket match. And the worst case, a family of five, melted when attending a local village fete.

Dr Colin Greening from the London 'Barts Hospital', a specialist in blood disorders explained, "In certain rare conditions, the blood 'O' type actually boils and melts the body tissue. It becomes so hot that temperatures can reach melting point quite quickly." In the past, this has been wrongly diagnosed as 'Spontaneous Combustion'.

"We can only reiterate that those who are susceptible to melting must stay indoors and away from the sun," said the Labour health secretary, Alan Johnson. "While a rare condition, due to global warming, it may become a more common occurrence."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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