Written by Bureau

Tuesday, 28 July 2009

image for Scientists: Swine Flu Placebos Mutating

A stern warning has been issued from the United Nations World Health Organization today that the placebo used in testing the Swine Flu vaccine on volunteers has led to the mutating of many placebos.

"I got the Swine Mumps", says one volunteer for the testing. "So far, my jaws look like older photos of Sir Winston Churchill and I'm only half way through the disease they tell me. Before it's over they'll hang to my shoulders and there's a huge bald spot on my head from all the skin dragging. They have offered cosmetic surgery and I have accepted on condition that I become an instant millionaire. There's definitely a bollocks somewhere. The only other person with this stomped his foot in a rage and now his bag is the size of a vegetable marrow."

Although 90% of the tests are going well and scientists say they are keeping pace with any mutations of the Swine Flu itself, the placebos have many wringing their hands.

"We've never had anything like this happen before", stated Doctor Hanz Ringer. "We've thrown away the rest of the placebos, or at least I did. Just as soon as the guy with the bag the size of a large vegetable marrow crab-walked into my office, I flushed the entire batch down the commode."

Meanwhile another volunteer has now developed Swine Genital Warts and has been locked away and fed through an opening in the bottom of the room's only door.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: swine flu




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