Swine Flu Will Close down Many Supermarkets before Christmas

Funny story written by IN SEINE

Saturday, 25 July 2009

image for Swine Flu Will Close down Many Supermarkets before Christmas
Back to the good old days!

It is estimated that by Christmas (if the current trend is to be believed), 20 million people will be affected by swine flu in the United Kingdom. The main distributor of the virus is almost definitely supermarkets all claim to give you something extra!

When most of the population of the UK uses a supermarket at least once a week, possibly more than 20 million people file past checkouts, and it would only take one person to sneeze, then and the virus would be passed on!

This situation is proving to be a death knell for these superstores as shoppers are reluctant to buy their groceries and run the risk of contagion. Even the 'buy one, get one free' offers can no longer tempt people because it could easily end in their death.

There is now a plethora of small shops opening up and selling more specific goods just like it was in the good old days. Bakers, who have always kneaded the dough, have used their loaves and opened up some small bakeries. Meanwhile, butchers were trying to save their bacon in old-fashioned market stalls even though the steaks might be high! Even greengrocers were very eager to show off their plums, melons, beans and cucumbers. In fact bells were ringing across all the old market towns in Britain - and these weren't just church bells they were also till bells.

One such trader, Granville Arkwright from Bolton, told In Seine News: "Since news broke of swine flu we have seen business go absolutely ballistic - now we are open all hours and have seen our profits go up by 200%. My poor Grandad is rushed off his feet. And at the rate things are going, we shall have to by a new doorbell and get a new till - it is just constant. It looks under the like the supermarket is dead and it's a case of for whom the Bell tills!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more