The Government has announced a major new initiative to tackle young offenders. At the same time they hope to solve the issue of peace in Northern Ireland by doing a deal with the Real IRA.
The plan is to make young offenders wear orange. Once they have them wearing their orange outfits the young criminals will be flown by helicopter to the Ardoyne area where the Real IRA will be waiting for them.
Jack Straw was delighted with the plan. "We don't want young people to end up in prison. This way they will never go to prison. And it will provide a number of jobs for grave digging and funeral arrangement also."
The Real IRA have been increasingly active. In order to ween them of violence it is believed that their hatred of the colour orange can be used. Psychologist Johann von Schweitzer said "The colour orange represents the mother's womb. For the terrorist this is the start of their trouble. They want to kill their mother. That is why they kill all those who wear orange."
The Government has been accused of damaging human rights. Colin Limpwristed, who represents the organisation Liberty, said "These youngsters will face terrible problems if they are made to wear orange. It's not as if they are criminals, is it?" Er... yes it is.