The isle of Wight is to become a University. The Government has announced the plan in a bid to deal with the massive increase in applications for University places. Lord Mandy of Mandysson said "Promising a University place for all was a big mistake. So we have had to come up with this plan."
The controversial plan involves the compulsory culling of all the island's current inhabitants. The University will then be constructed from cardboard and double sided sticky tape by former Blue Peter presenter John Noakes. The students will then be brought from the mainland and left on the island for three years.
Courses offered at the new university are expected to include mastubatory studies, sock darning and sociology.
