Hungarian legend and wedding cake-makers' favourite, actress and good-time-had-by-all girl Zsa Zsa Gabor, was today made the UK's official Tsar Tsar.
'There where so many Tsars being created', Prime Minister Gordon Brown said, 'that we needed to co-ordinate them into a unified body. And to do that the body needed its own Tsar, so now Zsa Zsa has been appointed to that position.'
There are already many Labour Government Tsars - Tsar for Ministers' Expenses Claims, Tsar for Wasting Taxpayers' Money On Meaningless Posts, Tsar for Staying Quiet about Israeli War Crimes, and Tsar for Sending British Soldiers to Do What America Tells Them to.
Tsar for Losing Elections, Tsar for Downing Street being Run by Unelected Peers, Tsar for Dancing on Socialism's Grave, and Tsar for Finding a Worse Prime Minister than the Current One. The last position has been unfilled.
Miss Gabor, speaking from her government expenses-paid holiday with Silvio Berluslizi, in Italy, said: 'Darlings! Simply too, too wonderful of you, to make me the Tsar Tsar! We must have a party to celebrate!'
'All the Tsars will be flown out here at taxpayers' expense, for an orgy of eating, drinking, sunbathing and swimming. I must phone up Cherie and Tony, and John, and Alastair ... and Hazel and Jacqui ... but not that dreadful Nick character, he's frightful! Ciao, darlings!'
A temporary Deputy Tsar of Tsars on Holiday was appointed by the PM, and will take up his position just as soon as The Daily Mail and the BBC can put him in the news enough to make him newsworthy.
Czar Nickolas of Egonface was not amused.