New Show Britain's Next Top Politican tipped to be a ratings winner

Funny story written by Bluebella

Thursday, 28 May 2009

image for New Show Britain's Next Top Politican tipped to be a ratings winner
A scene from the final episode

Channel 621 have come up with a brand new TV show to rival hit game show Deal or No Deal and Britain's Next Top Model.

BNTP is the brain child of television executive Gordon Clown. It will feature twelve politicians, as selected by a panel of political experts, vying for the no. 1 position as Britain's top politician. Each week one politician will be eliminated by the panel until the final episode where the last two politicians will battle it out on the catwalk. The show will be hosted by former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher.

The politicians will be judged on the following:-

  • Ability to lie. The contestants will be given a series a trick questions in regard to the economy, political correctness, immigration and expenses. The best liar will go straight through to the second round, while the most honest will be eliminated.
  • How far are they willing to go for America? Those politicians who are not willing to go to bed with the President will be eliminated. The contestant willing to nuke an entire country at the request of America will be the winner of the round.
  • Who can claim the most bogus expenses? Politicians must demonstrate an ability to claim for expensive and ridiculous, irrelevant items such as their spouses porn movies and maintenance of their own moat.
  • How many days of the year will they turn up for parliament? Unbeknown to the contestant, this is a trick question. If one contestant answers "all of them" this will be a doubtless indication of a lie and the contestant will win the round. The contestant with the "safest" answer such as "50% of the time" will be the loser.

The rest of the show's formula will remain a secret until it is aired.

What and who will determine the winner of the final episode? All we can reveal is that there will be a catwalk battle on the border of Scotland and England, involving sharp swords and protective armour. As for the rest - stay tuned to find out!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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