MP who claimed costs of penis enlargement to "give it back"

Funny story written by Noshing Mink

Friday, 22 May 2009


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for MP who claimed costs of penis enlargement to "give it back"
MP John Thomas before the operation

The row over MPs expenses has taken a new turn as the Daily Telegraph revealed in this morning's edition that Tory MP John Thomas claimed £10,000 for the cost of a penis enlargement operation. Westminster staff apparently "chopped the claim down to £5,000" on the ground that he "didn't need such a large allowance".

The MP for Little Horwood, who has, since the surgery, campaigned for his constituency to be renamed Big Horwood, said that he didn't know what all the fuss was about, telling a reporter:

"I am an upstanding member. As faw as I am concewned, I have acted within the wools. I use my Snakey Joe evewy day in my Westminstew office."

Labour MP Stephen Pound, who likes to go on the telly a lot, said that this proved that Mr. Thomas was "a bigger dick than we thought".

After consulting with Tory Leader David Cameron, Mr. Thomas announced that he would "give it back" but refused to pay any Capital Gains Tax on the transaction.

"My wuv wand is my own pwopety", he said. "The tax man can't put his gwubby hands on it."

The Chairman of the House of Commons Committee on Standards announced that he would be conducting a probe into the MP's claim, saying "We have received a complaint about a member. We will now look at this from every angle. If any rules have been broken, we will recommend a stiff admonishment."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more