Written by Seamus Nottrew

Saturday, 16 May 2009

image for Tear Gas And Tasers Tested As New School Discipline Aids
Johhny, don't do that, there's a good boy

Poor discipline in schools is a problem for teachers and administrators the world over. In recent times we've seen some innovative ideas in keeping control in the classroom.

In Turkey tear gas was lobbed into a school during a clash with residents of a shanty town near Istanbul. Television footage showed dozens of children fainting, crying and wiping their eyes

In Florida a prison officer shocked a group of visiting children by zapping them with his 50,000-volt stun gun. The jolt sent at least two of them sprawling to the floor, crying out in pain and clutching at agonising burns on their arms. One child ended up in hospital.

In Afghanistan at least 84 schoolgirls were admitted to hospital after the third apparent poison attack on a girls' school in as many weeks.

China has put the official number of dead and missing schoolchildren from last year's Sichuan earthquake at 5,335.

In Britain swine flu has been trialled in a number of schools, although it does result in the whole school shutting down for a week.

In a recent report Hull was 'named and shamed' as the area with the worst school discipline problems. Officials in the city having been monitoring recent developments with interest. As one told us, "These are all innovative ideas but might take a while to implement. The only thing we can do immediately is make detention more of a deterrent. I think we can learn a lot from Guantanamo in that respect." They then had to dash off to meet with a man from the water board.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Taser, Discipline

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