Buckwheat's Palace, London, Ingerland - Outrage in the UK as US President and First Lady, Barack and Michelle Obama allegedly breached the rules of Royal protocol whilst here under sufferance in the first place.
The First Lady has been widely criticised from all quarters for laying a hand on HRH's Royal back. She told us:
"I was nice to the old girl. I was just burping her after that fuck-awful Jamie Olivier meal. I told her that she was a nice old lady who didn't stink of piss and cabbage like most ole bids do. She's a very small person and I felt protective towards her. But when she farted...oh boy..."
Verdict: Michelle Obama - Innocent.
The President was widely criticised for slapping the Duke of Edinburgh repeatedly on the head like Benny Hill used to do to that little baldy Irish fella.
"He was an obnoxious little prick who kept on making snide remarks. So I slapped his head a little. Who cares? Had he been a younger man I'd have kicked his disrespectful ass good and proper. Jerk"
Prince Phil the Greek is 84 and senile as hell.
Verdict: Barack Obama - Innocent
Verdict: Small and increasingly insignificant. Gawd luv em.
More as we get it