According to our transport correspondent a new Cabinet scandal is about to hit the headlines.
In a bid to avert press speculation over her failing marriage to porn critc Richard Timney, Jacqui Smith and her husband put on a full sexual display on the 4:30 train to Charring Cross. Fellow travellers were dismayed as they had no choice but to witness oral and anal sexual acts by the beleaguered couple.
The eyebrow raising events were eventually stopped by a British Transport Policeman who arrested Mr Timney on the spot. He was later charged with having an offensive person on his weapon.
In other transport news, a train arrived on time somewhere in the West Midlands.