The Metropolitan Police in London today issued an apology, and the statement read: 'We apologise for being completely and utterly hopeless at solving crime, and useless at preventing crimes, but good enough at corruption and letting obvious perverts we've questioned go, to go back to carry on attacking women. If only we weren't taking backhanders from every cheap villain in London, we'd actually catch a criminal.'
Some have suggested that the Met are a disgrace to the otherwise generally efficient British police forces, and that they're so busy being involved in organised crime and covering up pornography cases that they might as well be disbanded.
But Met chief constable Sir John Stalker said: 'Look, we're policing - stop laughing - we're policing over 10 million people, it's only human nature that a few officers should stray from the straight and narrow, It's just that in our case it's a few thousand. Oh well, it could be worse. No, it couldn't, sorry, must dash, got to go to my freemasons' meeting.'
The Greater London force has traditionally been useless, but it's now so completely and utterly useless that the apology had to be made. 'The apology is a sincere one', Sir John said, in between eating an onion and shallot sandwich shaped like a crocodile, 'we're so terribly, terribly sorry, honest we are.'
'When an obvious sick pervert is allowed to attack hundreds of women in broad daylight over months, you might think that one of the largest police forces in the world might spot it a wee bit earlier. But we're too busy driving around in fancy cars and going to gender-awareness courses to actually notice something a retarded child would have, if we'd made the effort.'
Stores of Vigilantes'R'Us will be opening soon all over London, such is the farce the force has become there. Onion and shallot sandwiches bring crocodile tears to your eyes.
